Maybe i didn't asked the question correctly. i am look for a word to describe when a person laughs at herself/himself, when her/he does something stupid and then realize what he/she did. not necessary being ridicule of oneself as the word disparagement means

What does the candle symbolize in this excerpt from leo tolstoy’s the death of ivan ilyich? “when i am not, what will there be? there will be nothing. then where shall i be when i am no more? can this be dying? no, i don’t want to! ” he jumped up and tried to light the candle, felt for it with trembling hands, dropped candle and candlestick on the floor, and fell back on his pillow. a. ivan ilyich’s shallow lifestyle b. ivan ilyich’s troubled conscience c. ivan ilyich’s murky past d. ivan ilyich’s approaching death