I wrote this in my notes yesterday.. I wish I could be what you wanted
Every time I look into your eyes, I feel like you deserve something better
I never fail to disappoint you
I'm not what you wanted
Maybe you would be better off if I was just
Gone
Maybe your life would easier and you wouldn't have to worry
Maybe you can have what you finally wanted

I can no longer do this
Can't find a way to express what I'm feeling
So all I do is ignore my feelings
"You have to stop ignoring your feelings, it will destroy you" is what my friends say
"How unfortunate" I respond
Maybe this is better
Not for me, but for them
They wouldn't have to deal with me anymore

There's always something wrong
But "You're fine" "You're being dramatic" "You have it easy" "Your life is perfect"
But is it really?
You would think it, by looking at me
Seeing the big fake smile on my face
But what if you have seen what I seen
What if you see my scars
What if you have seen all the nights I stayed up until 3 a. m.
Crying and looking in the mirror, hating what I see
If you looked close enough you could see the pain behind my eyes

They were my escape and the reason I hadn't completely lost hope or gone insane
But you took that too
They made me feel happy

I feel like you have taken everything from me
It started when I was only 14, you broke me
You broke my heart before any man had the chance to, you broke me first
I try to look at you the same way I used to but I never can, I can't look up to you as my hero anymore
I don't see my father when I look at you, you wanna know what I see every time I see you?
I see the man who tried to leave me, I see my demons and monsters
I see the cause of why I am the way I am now, my depression, it started because of you
I wasn't like this before, was I? No
I was happy a little girl who didn't have a worry in the world, whose smiles weren't fake
Life was so much simpler and easier then
I'd give anything to feel that way again