Tell me a joke. If it's funny you get brainiest. If not a joke I report it. Thanks!

Excerpt from 100% - the story of a patriot upton sinclair 10 so peter walked along, with his belt drawn tight, and his restless blue eyes wandering here and there, looking for a place to get a meal. there were jobs to be had, but they were hard jobs, and peter wanted an easy one. there are people in this world who live by their muscles, and others who live by their wits; peter belonged to the latter class; and had missed many a meal rather than descend in the social scale. 11 peter looked into the faces of everyone he passed, searching for a possible opening. some returned his glance, but never for more than a second, for they saw an insignificant looking man, undersized, undernourished, and with one shoulder higher than the other, a weak chin and mouth, crooked teeth, and a brown moustache too feeble to hold itself up at the corners. peters' straw hat had many straws missing, his second-hand brown suit was become third-hand, and his shoes were turning over at the sides. in a city where everybody was "hustling," everybody, as they phrased it, "on the make," why should anyone take a second glance at peter gudge? why should anyone care about the restless soul hidden inside him, or dream that peter was, in his own obscure way, a sort of genius? no one did care; no one did dream. 12 it was about two o'clock of an afternoon in july, and the sun beat down upon the streets of american city. there were crowds upon the streets, and peter noticed that everywhere were flags and bunting. once or twice he heard the strains of distant music, and wondered what was "up." peter had not been reading the newspapers; all his attention bad been taken up by the quarrels of the smithers faction and the lunk faction in the first apostolic church, otherwise known as the holy rollers, and great events that had been happening in the world outside were of no concern to him. peter knew vaguely that on the other side of the world half a dozen mighty nations were locked together in a grip of death; the whole earth was shaken with their struggles, and peter had felt a bit of the trembling now and then. but peter did not know that his own country had anything to do with this european quarrel, and did not know that certain great interests throughout the country had set themselves to rouse the public to action. based on the author's characterization of peter in paragraphs 10, 11, and 12, which word best describes him? a) industrious b) loyal c) patriotic d) poor

What type of writing is demonstrated in this excerpt by general philip henry sheridan? at once i set about preparing for the examination which precedes admission to the military academy, studying zealously under the direction of mr. william clark; my old teachers, mcnanly and thorn, having disappeared from somerset and sought new fields of usefulness. the intervening months passed rapidly away, and i fear that i did not make much progress, yet i thought i should be able to pass the preliminary examination. that which was to follow worried me more and gave me many sleepless nights; but these would have been less in number, i fully believe, had it not been for one specification of my, outfit which the circular that accompanied my appointment demanded. this requirement was a pair of "monroe shoes." now, out in ohio, what "monroe shoes" were was a mystery—not a shoemaker in my section having so much as an inkling of the construction of the perplexing things, until finally my eldest brother brought an idea of them from baltimore, when it was found that they were a familiar pattern under another name. a. research essay b. persuasive essay c. biography d. memoir

Fifteen-year-old kwan sat on a large boulder on the rocky shore and watched her seven-year-old brother, min, race along the beach close to the water’s edge. the handmade kite, streaming high in the air behind him, created a striking image against the vivid blue sky. occasionally, min called out, “kwan, look at me! i’m flying! i’m flying! ” she beamed and waved at him, urging him on in his glee. she recalled the day her parents first brought home the little bundle from the hospital, the first boy in the family, making her the happiest big sister ever. the family had had a new baby to care for and cherish, and she had a precious little brother to shower with love and attention. min brought joy and delight to the whole household, and his presence completed the family.kwan smiled again as she watched him run along, and she felt great contentment at the pleasure he took in flying the kite they had made together. ever since father had taken min to the korean kite festival, he had begged for a kite of his own. the multicolored dragons, birds, and box kites with their colorful tails and plumes appeared to enchant min as he watched them soar and race in the clear blue sky. he stood mesmerized by the panoply of colors. “someday, i will race a kite in the festival! ” min stated with determination. when min made up his mind that a kite would be the perfect summer project for him and kwan, she was surprised. “i don’t want a kite-making kit,” he informed their father. “i want to build it myself—with kwan’s .” kwan initially wondered why min included her in his quest for a kite, but she quickly realized that her clever brother had correctly surmised that their father would more likely approve the request if min’s big sister were there to him. how could kwan refuse? kwan gazed out at her brother and heard his shrieks of delight as he tried to direct their marvelous flying creation. she watched it wheel, spin, and dive—a wild, colorful bird putting on an aerial display. its gold and red crepe-paper wings fluttered in the air, mimicking the flight of a predatory bird surveying the landscape for prey. it swooped and dived, perhaps discovering a possible meal, and then went airborne again to avoid the rocky terrain below. min was the falconer, guiding his bird on its path through the sky, not yet ready to call it back to the ground. but kwan grew concerned when she looked out at the dark, threatening clouds beginning to roll in off the water. when she saw the streaks of lightning within the cloud formation, she pointed to the distant storm and called out to her little brother to bring in the kite. min nodded and rolled in the kite string, bringing his bird home. “let’s go,” kwan told her brother and put her arm around him to fold him safely under her wing as they both held onto the kite. “it’s time to go home.”how does the author best develop the theme that with determination, one can achieve a goal? a-the author uses an extended metaphor to show how min successfully builds a kite that flies like a colorful bird. b-the author uses a metaphor to compare kwan to a mother bird, protecting her young one from the thunderstorm.c-the author uses imagery to show how the kite mimics a predatory bird under min's careful direction. d-the author uses personification to show how min's kite swoops and dives in the air to avoid the rocks below it.